


oops i love you

by charjace



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Coming Out, M/M, Patty is here and she is a loving supporting EX!, Suicide Attempt, Through the Years, idk what else to tag as tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-19 14:33:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22712317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charjace/pseuds/charjace
Summary: richie and stan, they're friends, great friends. they start to date, but then things happen as life goes on and they get older. this is part of their journey through life
Relationships: Richie Tozier/Stanley Uris
Comments: 3
Kudos: 27





	oops i love you

**Author's Note:**

> this was suppose to be based on the song oops by little mix, but i let it get away from me. maybe another one in a different format to this one lmk if you want it
> 
> as usual... nothing is proof read bc i'm lazy

**Winter** **, Early February,** **1997**

Valentine’s Day, and both of them had no dates so they settled for a guy's night in with movies and popcorn. The hours went by, and they were up in his bedroom laying on his bed talking about how they think each of their friend's dates went, all while being quiet because his parents are sleeping in the late hour. The laugh he got from the other made him smile widely and he turned so that he was facing him, Stan ended up doing the same so they were looking into each other’s eyes, smiles upon their lips. Stan reached out to fix the weird angle his glasses went on. 

“Stanny,” He says, his voice even more quiet then it was before, like he was about to tell a secret that he really didn’t want to get out. Parts of him, well, yeah – he didn’t want them out, not in this stupid town he’s grown up in. He knows what kind of things it could get him; he’s seen it, he’s _felt_ it. It wasn’t nice, but he trusts Stan, “I got asked out, some miracle, I know. But I turned her down because I don’t think I like her like that. Or that I could.” 

Richie watches as Stan’s face fills with confusion, then he thinks understanding falls in its place, “Do you like someone else, or is it something else?” Stan being careful with the words he uses, like he didn’t want to scare Richie. 

“Both. Both Stan. I like... I like guys,” Richie replies, he can feel tears filling his eyes and he doesn’t understand why. Stan wasn’t showing any signs of rejection, in fact, Stan is pulling him close to him, holding onto him. 

“Do you want to tell me who the guy is? Is it Eddie? Bill?” Stan offers up, and Richie laughs a little and smiles a bit. 

“No... though, I think I had crushes on them a few years back,” Richie doesn’t know if he should say who he is crushing on right now. He doesn’t want to ruin what was going on right now, he needed the comfort, and Stan was willingly giving it to him. Silence fell over them, and Richie’s mouth decides it does want it out there as he starts to fall asleep, “It’s you.” 

**Spring, Late March, 1997**

Richie will claim he doesn’t know that he said those words as he fell asleep next to Stan that night. Stan never spoke of it, maybe Stan was asleep already and didn’t hear the sleep ridden confession that had fallen from his lips that night. It was safer thinking that Stan had fallen asleep before he did, it meant less heart break, but Stan hasn’t been acting any different which only makes Richie believe that the other was asleep when he said it. 

It was late at night when the cell phone he had worked his ass off for went off, he knew it could only be one of his friends because his parents were asleep. Quickly answering it before it could wake up his parents, “Is something wrong?” It was the first thing to come out of his mouth, because why else would someone be calling him this late at night, it was almost eleven at night. 

“Not really, but... Can I come over?” Stan’s voice spoke, almost too quiet over the phone that Richie could barely hear the other. 

“Yeah, come on over. I’ll wait for you outside, don’t want to wake the folks up. See you in five?” 

“Sure.” 

After hanging up, Richie pulls on a hoodie that he picks up from the floor before quietly making his way towards the front door and stepping outside into the cool air, wishing he put on some kind of pants before coming out. Sighing, he sat himself down on the steps of the porch waiting for Stan to arrive. 

Soon enough, he spots Stan coming on his bike, carefully up the driveway and placing it neatly against the porch, with the kickstand down. Richie gives him a smile, waiting for Stan to say something, to fill him in on what was going on as he takes a seat next to Richie. Nothing is said for a while and gently, Richie places a hand on top of Stan’s knee, giving it a small squeeze. A little smile to himself when Stan places his own hand on top of his, the smile widening a bit as he watches as the other hooks his fingers into the gaps holding onto his hand. 

Still, nothing has been said, and Richie’s heart is hammering out of his chest at this small gesture. Stan was looking straight ahead, a look of figuring something out all over his features. One Richie honestly loves, he kind of just wants to press a kiss against Stan’s cheek for the sake of it. Eventually, Stan turns his head to look at Richie and Richie watches as Stan’s eyes wonder across Richie’s face, that thoughtful look on his face. When Stan’s eyes landed on Richie’s lips and stayed there, he really could feel his heart against his chest now. 

Then, a moment later, he feels Stan’s soft lips against his chapped ones. The kiss was quick, too quick if you asked Richie. “Rich... please don’t think I’m doing this to tease you. I think I like you too,” Stan whispers against his lips, and Richie just wants to close the gap. 

“I know you’d never hurt me Stanny,” He replies back, moving his other hand to rest against Stan’s cheek, he trusted Stan. Stan would never intentionally hurt him, wouldn’t take his secret and use it against him, “Can we do that again? I liked it.” 

Feeling the slight nod of Stan’s head, Richie closed the gap between the pair. Lips meeting together and moving together, parting slightly to deepen the kiss more. After a while, they decide to pull away and go back into the house, falling asleep next to each other on Richie’s bed. 

**Autumn, Late October, 2001**

They’ve been dating for almost four years now; they were in college now. Stan was studying to become an accountant, and Richie was just studying to help him figure out what he could do. He’s thought about becoming a comedian. It was a nice night out they had with their friends at a small party, Richie was holding himself up as he leant on Stan for support as they walked down the street towards Stan’s apartment. Beverly was leaning heavily against Ben, while Mike was holding Eddie on his back as Bill staggered his way down the street. 

Outside of the building, they stop in their steps and as Stan was going to guide Richie into the place, Beverly let out a small giddy laugh before saying, “With how much Rich spends at your place, he might as well live there.” 

“Jokes on _you_ missy I do,” Richie replies, moving forward towards her and nearly falling to the ground, but Stan caught him before he could. A laugh falling from Richie’s lips, and he puts his arm back around Stan’s neck, while Stan’s moved his arm around Richie’s waist, holding him tightly against himself. Richie leans in to press a kiss to Stan’s cheek, “My knight in shinny armour!” 

“I’m going to put him to bed, see you guys tomorrow,” Stan tells the others, before making his way into the building. He let Richie lean against the wall as he opened up the door, before helping Richie into the bedroom. Stan presses a kiss to Richie’s head before going and grabbing two glasses of water, one for himself, and one for Richie. 

After making sure Richie drank the water, he helped Richie out of his jeans and into bed, before climbing into the bed next to him. Pressing a soft kiss to Richie’s cheek before they fell asleep, Stan wakes up to knocking at his door, and with a light groan he climbs out of bed. Pulling on a hoodie that sat on top of the drawer, it was Richie’s he could tell by the way it fitted him and smiled a little to himself. The smile going away when the knocking started up again, letting out a small huff, he yells out, “Coming!” 

“Shhh!” Richie grumbled from his spot on the bed, rolling over to pull the pillow over his head. 

Shaking his head with a light laugh to himself, he goes to the door that leads into the apartment. When he opens it, he finds Beverly standing there in the hall– sunglasses covering her eyes, but she pushed them up when he opened the door. He watched as her eyes looked him up and down, feeling slightly uncomfortable with the look he shifts on his feet. Ben behind her, not looking as tired as Beverly was. 

“I just want to... make sense of things,” Beverly says, her eyes rested on the hoodie he was wearing a few seconds too long before looking back up at Stan’s face. Stan moves to let the pair into the apartment. 

To delay, he offers to make them coffee, and Bev quickly agrees and Ben does too. He tells them to take a seat in the living room, and he’ll be out with coffee in a few moments. See the thing is, Richie and Stan have been dating for almost four years now but the thing is – they haven’t exactly told the others about it. It’s not because they’re scared that they’d reject them, or hate them for it – they're the Losers, they love each other no matter what. They honestly just never felt the need to tell them, and maybe they liked this little thing that was just _them_. It never really came up, and if one of the others asked who they were interested in, Stan would say he wasn’t looking for a relationship right now ( why would he, he already had one ), and Richie, the ever joker would most of the time make a quip about him fucking Eddie’s mother. 

When Stan walks into the living room with cups of coffee for Bev and Ben, he notices how Ben was looking around the room, speaking softly with Beverly, who was nodding her head every now and then. He hands them their drinks before taking a seat on the armchair, the one Richie slings himself over when he reads. It’s quiet for a while as they sit. 

Beverly, with her hands wrapped around her cup of coffee, holding it close to her face after she takes a sip, then narrowing her eyes at Stan, “Would you tell us if you were dating someone?” 

Confusion settled over Stan’s face, but then again – he and Richie knew that they’d probably figure it out eventually. The question, it feels like a trap – like no matter how he answered it, there’d be some kind of backfire. “Why wouldn’t I? You guys are my friends.” 

“Right, s-,” 

“Stan come back to bed,” Richie’s voice calls out, and Bev and Ben’s heads are quick to snap towards the hall, where the bedroom is. 

Stan wonders, how long it’s going to take them to figure out that this was a one-bedroom apartment, that Richie wasn’t lying when he said he lived here too. That they had made that step in their relationship a few months back because Richie’s own lease was running out, and he did spend most of his time at Stan’s anyway. 

“You were saying Stan?” Bev muses, hitching an eyebrow slightly towards her friend, “I think the more important question is, why wouldn’t you guys tell us?” 

“I don't know,” Stan answers honestly, he doesn’t really know why they never truly told the others. They just _didn’t_ tell them, and they were okay with it. Maybe it helped hiding it because of Richie’s flirtatious personality, and overall touchy behaviour that they never saw past it being more then Richie being Richie. 

Ben gave a small nod, like he understood – like he thinks he knows why they did it. Because it was something for them, that they didn’t care that no one else knew, _they_ knew and that was what mattered the most. They knew what they were, they knew they loved each other and everything else, what everyone else thought they were – that didn’t matter. “When did you guys start dating?” Ben asks the question that was sure to be on both of his friend's mind. 

“Since around March,” Stan starts, and Bev lights up a little. 

“A few months, that-,” 

“Ninety-Seven. Around March, the year Ninety-Seven,” Stan finishes, interrupting Bev – watching as her jaw drops down a little. 

**Winter, Late January, 2003**

They were coming back home from a funeral, Richie’s mother died just over a week ago due to a spider that bit her, and she happened to be allergic to it. He watched as Richie stumbled into the apartment, worry filled Stan’s eyes and he didn’t want to have this talk now but – it's been building for a while, and the way things went today. It sealed everything for him, he loves Richie, with his whole heart and it breaks his heart to see Richie like this. As Richie fumbles around grabbing two beers from the fridge, not at all offering one to Stan. 

The thing is, if this had only been going on for a small while, he’d understand – his mother died, but – it's been going on for almost two years now and he can no longer overlook it. He watches as Richie pulls at the tie Stan had helped him with before they left. Stan could smell the alcohol on his breath, and he doesn’t think Richie cared. He had shown up to his own mother’s funeral _drunk._ Stan had knew before he walked out that door this morning, that he needed to have this talk. 

Gently, Stan moves to take the beers out of Richie’s hand, placing them on the table before helping Richie with the tie. Richie tosses it to the side, Stan makes a mental note to pick it up later, right now, he needs to focus on Richie. Leaning in, he can smell the way Richie breath smells of the alcohol he’s been consuming. It’s bad today, Stan wants to pull away, but he can’t. So, he presses a kiss to Richie’s lips, and he lets himself pour as much love as he could into the kiss. Richie is kissing him back, and he can feel tears fall down his cheek. He thinks they’re his because he can taste the goodbye in the kiss. He can feel it in the way Richie’s hands are desperately trying to find their hold in Stan’s hair but it wasn’t sticking. 

Pulling away, he looks at Richie, “I love you, so _fucking much_ . Richie, I fucking do... but, you got to stop. You’re drinking _way too_ much. Will you cut back?” 

Richie pulls away, taking a step back, eyes looking betrayed as he looks at Stan, “What are you saying Stan?” 

“Nothing! I just think you need to cut back,” He replies as another tear falls down his cheek. He knows what Richie thinks Stan is not saying. Stan has talked with their friends, they’ve noticed it too – they thought they could just get him to cut back, then he wouldn’t have to quit all together. Stan thinks now, as he stands in front of Richie who snatches up the beers and storms out of the apartment, leaving Stan to break down crying on the couch until Bill comes by to see how his friends were doing. 

A week later, it’s clear they’ve broken up. Richie is crashing in Eddie’s spare room, and its months later when they all try to get Richie to stop his drinking, because they can see it. He needs to stop, that cutting back – it won’t work, not with how he was using the stuff. 

**Spring, Mid April, 2006**

It was a nice day out, and Stan was in his tux as he watched Patty dance with Bev. Mike was sitting beside him, with his arm around Stan. He could see Eddie, Ben and Bill at another table, chatting away until the girls pulled them out onto the dancefloor. 

“Maybe he had a gig,” Mike says, trying to reassure Stan that the reason Richie didn’t show up to his wedding was because Richie was making something of his life, and not ruining it. 

When the wedding invitations went out, Stan had made sure to get one out to Richie. Stan still cared for Richie, Stan still called Richie a friend – none of that would ever change, Richie was his best friend, first and foremost over everything else, over what he felt for Richie. 

He was getting over Richie, he had meet Patty not a year later after he and Richie broke up, a month after Richie moved to LA despite all his friend's protests. They only protested because they wanted him to be sober, they were scared he’d go there, and not find anything and then they’d never see him again. 

Over the last two years, he felt himself falling in love with Patty – and he loves her. He does, he knows he does. 

“Yeah, maybe,” Stan replies, before taking a swig of his drink and then deciding to pull Mike along with him to join the rest of them. 

**Autumn, Mid September, 2014**

The audience was packed tonight, and Richie knew what they were expecting – he knows they’re probably not going to get it. It’s been a long road, but Richie was finally making it. He’s had a few minor roles in films and tv shows, had a few sold-out gigs, and even a small tour last year and the year before. Tonight, he was doing a special, one that was being filmed and he had decided the moment his manager told him about it, what he was going to do. He told his manager, that his writer was fired - that he was done with a writer. That the show was going to be called; **The Honest to God Truth.** The show, it was planned, to an extent and that extent was the special guest he wanted there, and the topics he wanted to cover. His manager has been on his back about seeing what he was going to say, but Richie told him not to worry, that he had it already. He didn’t, it was going to be winged – and probably not even funny. 

Richie didn’t care as he walked onto stage, away from his worrying manager who downed a glass of jack and coke, quickly. The microphone felt heavy in his hand as he found himself in the middle of the stage, he quickly scans the room, finding his friends sitting in the front row. Bill was there with his wife, Audra, and they were next to Beverly and Ben. Eddie and Mike were next, with Patty and Stan. Looking at them, at them all being there – it made him feel a certain type of confidence. 

So, taking in a deep breath, Richie brings the microphone up to his lips, “Welcome, the name is Richie ‘Trashmouth’ Tozier, and this is a one-time event. For those who have been to my shows before, they know what they’re like, but tonight is going to be different. It’s called **The Honest to God Truth** for a reason. I’m not sure you may laugh, you might. Being a comedian, that is one of my coping mechanisms. My other, was drinking,” 

His eyes are trained at the audience, away from the Losers – it's been four years, but he still can’t seem to look at them directly whenever he admits this. Even if they’ve always been supportive of him, always looking out for him even when he didn’t want it. Stan was the one he _really_ couldn’t look at, because despite all the things Richie had done – Stan still was his friend. 

“I lost a lot, and did some stupid shit while drunk,” Richie admits, “For instance, my mother she died when I was twenty-two, maybe it was twenty-three, those years are sort of a blur of memories if I’m honest,” A cold laugh left his lips, the room had gone eerily silent but he is pushing through it. “I downed four beers before getting dressed, I was drunk at my own mother’s funeral. She would have scolded me if she had seen me like that, I loved her. Still do, she is my mother. The thing is, I think that was the last straw for my then boyfriend,” 

He can hear sight murmurs going around, people whispering to each other. Richie knows there are rumours about his sexuality, ones he has never dealt with. He’s never addressed them, scared of what it’d do to his reputation, to his job. He’s never had a public relationship, and if he were to be even more honest, he hasn’t had a true one in over ten years, not that he was going to let that tiny detail slip. 

Except, tonight, he was laying it all out – he's airing out his dirty laundry. “Yeah, boyfriend. I’m gay. My then boyfriend, we had been dating since we were seventeen. He was even the person I came out too first, then my mother and father. Then... I never came out again, until now. My ex, eventually moved on, while I continued to get drunk out of my mind and moved to LA. He got married, to a lovely lady. She is like one of the most amazing women I know. I’m happy that she makes him happy, it’s what he deserves,” He looks at Patty, seeing her giving him a smile and as her hand intertwines with Stan’s. 

“Can’t wait until they have kids, I’ll be that weird fun uncle, it’s what I’m aiming to be to all my friend's kids,” This finally caused some kind of laugh from the audience, like they were imagining it. He smiled a little. “Anyway, I never got to be at the wedding. Now, it’s not because we weren’t talking, or I wasn’t invited. I was, hell... I even made it back to Derry for it. I just didn’t go, too drunk out of my mind and didn’t want to ruin his day. I hit so many rock bottoms, being drunk at my mother’s funeral, getting dumped due to my drinking, not showing up to one friend's wedding, showing up to another's completely plastered that my other friends had to escort me out. Waking up in strange places, with all my things gone. I hit those all, saw the sad looks on my friends faces as they came up to me every time, but still I couldn’t bring it in myself to stop. 

“What got me to stop drinking was, my friend was going to have a child. She and her husband, they told me unless I was sober, they were finally dropping me. Now, I completely understand. I’d been like this for years, drunk and they’d put up with it. Tried to get me help, which I refused. But, them having a kid? They couldn’t deal with me, for the kids' sake, I understood... kinda. I do now. It wasn’t until the day she gave birth, that it truly sunk in because I was given a breathalyser test before I was allowed to enter and was turned away. None of my other friends came up to me, I don’t blame them, I was told. That night, I signed myself into a rehab centre because I wanted to be there. I’d pushed too far, I couldn’t anymore. 

“I’ve been sober ever since, four years. There have been... times where I’ve felt the urge to, but I didn’t, no matter how hard the temptation was. I pulled myself through, talking it out with my friends. The fact that they’re still my friends to this day, it makes me feel good – like there isn’t something entirely wrong with me,” Richie says, he wants to say something funny but he’s not sure he can think of anything right now. He’s regretting not even writing down a simple outline. 

The room goes silent for a bit, and he finds another topic, “Another truth is, I didn’t write my stuff. I will be from now on. I’ve started working on it with my friends, getting their opinion on it all. I am making a standard, of if I get at least five of them to laugh – I'll put it in the show. I trust their judgement, I,” Richie continued on with his show, talking about a few other things, managing to get in a few jokes, causing everyone to laugh. He never mentioned which friend was which, never said their names even though he knew that everyone kind of knew his little group of friends. 

After the show was done, the audience left and his manager told him they’d have a talk in the morning. His friends all ended up at his home after the show, and they all laughed and talked, some serious and some light hearted. They told him they were proud of him, that they love him. 

**Spring, Early March, 2015**

Richie no longer lived in his home alone, Stan had moved in last week after he let Patty have the house they had brought. Patty had told Stan that he didn’t have to do that, told him that just because they weren’t romantically interested in each other anymore he had to move out, or even move states, but Stan told her that it was fine, that he had been offered a job over that way anyway, so she helped him with his bags and dropped him off at the airport. Leaving him with a kiss to his cheek, and wishing him good luck. It sucks that they had fallen out of love like that, but they still loved each other, it was just different now. 

Right now, Richie was in the kitchen cooking dinner for him, Stan and Callie, Bev and Ben’s kid who they were tasked with babysitting while the couple went out for an event. Of course she had asked where Patty was, and Stan had just told her that she was back in Atlanta. Callie had come prepared; she had a bag full of Disney Channel movies that she wanted to watch. Stan and Callie were in the middle of watching Teen Beach Movie, when Richie called out that dinner was ready. 

With the movie paused, the two went into the dining area, taking their seats, it was so domestic, and Richie thinks about how he thought this could have been him and Stan, with their own kid as he placed the plates on the table. How this was how he saw himself with Stan when they got together those years ago, but this now was just temporary. Callie will go home when her parents come to pick her up in the morning, that Stan will eventually find a place of his own to live in, and find a partner that hadn’t once screwed him over. Richie will find someone eventually, _maybe_ , he isn’t sure. 

It’s all so domestic, and made him feel so great inside, he wished he could hold onto it. That he could bottle up the feeling to keep it forever. It feels so right when he’s carrying Callie to the guest bedroom, while Stan pulls back the covers and they tuck her into bed together. It makes him feel a bittersweet sadness, as he presses a kiss to Callie’s forehead, and Stan does the same. A little lonely as he climbs into his bed, while Stan climbs in the other but they don’t say a word – and their backs are to each other. 

Richie had told Stan that he could have the bed to himself, but Stan didn’t want to kick Richie out of his own bed, and neither of them were going to let Callie sleep on the couch. 

**Summer, Late July, 2015**

Today had started a little weird, if Richie were to be honest. Usually when he wakes up, Stan is already up, with a cup of coffee ready for him before Stan heads off to his job, leaving Richie to get ready himself, but when he walked into the kitchen that morning, Stan wasn’t gone. Richie pushed it out of his mind, thinking maybe Stan went to look at one of those apartments that Richie had told him about. Not that Richie really wants Stan to move out, he kind of likes having a roommate. A sinking gut feeling had been following Richie that whole day, and he couldn’t shake it off. 

He had flicked Stan a text, asking if any of the places he had showed him interested him, and got nothing in response. He never got a response, and spent the rest of the day and that didn’t make that sinking feeling go away. Walking into his apartment, his phone goes off, seeing Patty’s name across the screen, he answers is and before he can get in a single word, he hears Patty say, 

“Are you home?” Her voice was full of fear, and that feeling got heavy. 

“Yeah, I just got there,” He replies, and he doesn’t know it, but his feet are taking him towards the guest room. “Why?” 

“Is Stan there?” The fear in her voice makes him extremely worried, and he picks up his pace and opens up the door to the guest room. 

Panic settled in him, he noted a small piece of paper folded nicely on the bed, but he ignores it. He can hear Patty breathing on the other end as he holds it to his ear, he can hear how panicked she is. Stan’s phone was lighting up as calls were coming in, but no sound – he'd put it on silent. Fear started to overcome him, and he could see the faint light from the bathroom in the guest bedroom. That didn’t ease any of the feelings, and he knocked on the door, calling out Stan’s name – but no answer. 

“Stan you better open it up!” Richie calls out, he knows the bathroom doesn’t lock – that he could walk right in, but he wants to give the benefit of the doubt, even though his gut it yelling at him. A few seconds go by, and he hears nothing so he opens up the door. 

The sight he saw, was like those from horror films, “Oh shit! Oh shit, oh shit!” Richie exclaims, and he can hear Patty’s worried voice on the other end as the phone lowers to his side. There was blood, he could see it turning the water a pink colour. The look on Stan’s face was of so much pain and sadness, and he thinks he could see guilt there. “Hey, it’s going to be okay Stanny, okay. You’re going to be okay Stan the Man.” Richie says, trying to keep the panic out of his voice. 

He ends the call he was on with Patty, he’d call her back later – right now he needed his phone for a more important call. He calls 911, putting it on speaker as the dispatcher tries to calm him down, and to help him with what to do to help. Richie does as he’s told, until help comes. 

**Summer, Early August, 2015**

They were sitting on the couch; Stan’s feet were tucked under Richie’s thighs as Stan took up most of the space. There was soft music playing in the background of the apartment, Stan had a cup of coffee in his hands while Richie was working on his laptop, doing some of his work. He’s been throwing a few jokes and bits at Stan, and marking the ones Stan laughs at, and writing notes on the ones he doesn’t. It’s a nice and peaceful morning, all of their friends have come by and visited in the past two weeks. Now, it was just them as everyone went to their own states. 

“You know, you can stay here as long as you like right,” Richie offers up, turning his head to look at Stan. 

“But you were showing me apartments,” Stan points out, and Richie knew how he was to argue that. 

“Because I thought you’d want to have your own place,” He says with a small shrug of his shoulders, “I mean, why would you stay with me. I’ve... hurt you the most.” 

“You’re my friend Richie, that is why I would stay with you,” Stan replies, pulling his feet from under Richie’s thighs, before moving so he was next to Richie, “We’ve all gone through shit, Rich. Dealing with shit, okay. If you want me out, I’ll go.” 

“I don’t. I mean it, stay here as long as you’d like. It’s not like you’d kill my mood,” Richie replies, focusing his eyes onto his laptop, the topics they were talking about look like they’re leaning towards _heavy_ , and he doesn’t know if he could deal with that. They haven’t talked about that _day_ , because Richie can’t. He can’t get his feelings into words to express himself, the Trashmouth, has found himself speechless. 

“Richie... this isn’t a time for a sex joke. We need to talk about it, I need too, you need too,” Stan tells him, carefully putting his cup on the coaster on the little coffee table and slowly moving Richie’s laptop from his lap, to the table too. Grabbing hold of Richie’s hands, Stan holds them in his. 

The sleeve of the Stan’s shirt pulling back a little, the healing wound on his wrist showing just a bit. Using his other hand, Stan moves the sleeve back down, before talking hold of both of Richie’s hands in his again. Richie turns his head to look at Stan again, this time their faces were closer as they were sitting side by side now. 

“I tried to kill myself, _you_ found me, we need to talk about it, about your feelings if you won’t go to a therapist. Have spoken about it in meetings?” Stan was curious, he wouldn’t judge Richie for doing so. The place was supposed to be like a support group, and what Richie saw – Stan thinks it could have helped send Richie into a relapse. 

“No, I haven’t,” Richie answers, he’s been going to quite a few in the past few weeks. He’d been struggling with the pull, he vaguely had told the last meeting that _something_ had brought these strong feelings on, but he knows that he used the stuff so he didn’t have to talk about it. 

“It’s okay if you do. I’ve talked a bit about it with my therapist,” Stan tells him, “If you want, you can come with me to my next appointment. You can talk about it then. I just... I want you to deal with this in a healthy way, and I know you have been – but talking about it, that is healthy too.” 

Richie gave a small nod of his head, “I know I really shouldn’t ask but... why.” That is the question that has been on his mind since he opened that bathroom door. 

“It’s not easy to explain, it’s not anything you or anyone else did. I had just felt empty I guess, a lot of things were going on in my own little bubble, in my head and it was getting too much for me. So, I thought if I wasn’t _there_ , it’d make it easy. That’d stop this ache and hollow feeling I started to feel. I stopped feeling because I couldn’t handle the ones I _was_ feeling and I don’t know how else to express it right now, except that I felt like nothing,” Stan can see tears in Richie’s eyes as he spoke, he was really trying to find words to explain to Richie what he had been going through. It was hard, he was learning to talk about it with his therapist and maybe he’ll find the words later. 

It went quiet between them, and Stan kept his hold on Richie’s hands, there is a guilt he felt, a _shame_ he had felt the moment he saw Richie open that door, at the pain and sadness he saw on Richie’s face, and he still feels it now but he’s working through it. He didn’t know what to, tears were falling down Richie’s face silently until Richie pulled him into a hug, the hold was tight but Stan returned it. He heard a sob come from Richie’s lips. 

“Seeing you like that, it scared me Stanny,” Richie whispers into his neck where Richie buries his head. “I was scared I’d lose you, I felt like I should have noticed. I... I...” Words slightly muffled, and Richie breaks himself off and just cries, and Stan does too. 

**Spring, Mid May, 2016**

The weather was warm outside, it was pretty much the perfect weather because it wasn’t too hot, or too cold. He was at a park, sitting on the bench with Richie by his side. They had stopped by the local coffee shop to get themselves a coffee, Richie had also brought himself a muffin to eat. Stan had his binoculars out and was watching the birds, and looking out for new ones. This had become a thing they would do every Sunday, just them out to the park. Stan would look out for the birds, and Richie would sometimes work, or read and they’ll make some small talk. 

Hearing his name, Stan turns his head to see Richie with his phone up – clearly taking a photo of Stan, this caused Stan to flip Richie the bird, with a smile spreading across his lips. 

“It’s going on my Instagram,” Richie says, with a smile on his lips as he types away on his phone, “The world deserves to see you in your natural element.” 

They stay out there for a ten more minutes before decided to go home, putting their rubbish in the bins on their way. It was a nice walk, and when they got home, Stan checked his notifications to see they had somewhat blown up. A few from his Instagram account that he barely even uses, and a couple from his friends. When they’re out like that, Stan likes to keep his phone on silent – it helps him to enjoy it better. 

Going back to the first notification, it was of Richie tagging him in the photo, or he should say photos. There was one of Stan looking through his binoculars, followed by two others the one of Stan looking at Richie, then the other with him pulling the finger. Each were captioned with **_Lunch date with @StantheManUris_ **. There were quite a few likes on it, and he found himself looking at a few comments. Some were saying, ‘Cute!’ ‘OMG!’ ‘Are you two dating?’ 

He laughed when he saw one from Eddie saying ‘Are you guys dating again, and not telling us... again?!’ Stan showed it to Richie who laughed a little, and showed his phone and the texts he was reading from their friends. Stan saw he had similar texts himself. 

Stan replied to his friends, telling them that _no_ he and Richie were not dating before he goes and grabs the latest book he was reading before going and sitting on the couch to read. Richie ended up doing the same, slinging himself over the armchair he had like he was the twenty-year-old he used to be. 

**Fall, Late September, 2018**

Over the past few years after the lunch date photo, there have been many rumours and articles being pulled out by the media, trying to make a story out of something they have very little information on. Richie doesn’t speak much about his personal life in interviews, only in his shows – where he keeps everyone nameless. In his latest new set, he has added a little bit about a _boyfriend_ , but keeping the details to a bare minimum, leaving all his fans wondering and trying to figure things out. 

A few months ago, there was an article trying to suspect Richie of potentially ( because he has not confirmed anything ) _cheating_ because of the way they had taken the photos of him when he was hanging out with Eddie one day. Richie had just rolled his eyes when he saw the article, his friends all knew better and so did Eddie, so did Mike and Stan. They knew it was just the media trying to make shit up, and they wouldn’t eat into it. 

They were having their own little party at Patty’s place because she just got engaged and wanted to celebrate with her friends. Everyone made the trip out, Richie walked in with his arm wrapped around Stan’s neck – only taking it off to give Patty a hug, and a handshake to her fiancé, who from the times they’ve meet, seems like a nice guy. 

They walk around their friends, meeting some of Patty’s fiancé's ones. Sitting outside, talking with Eddie, Mike, Bill and Audra, laughing a little when Audra points out how _affectionate_ Richie is with everyone, how _hands_ _on_ he is and the media is stupid for not taking that into account. 

Richie stands up and goes to sit himself on Eddie’s lap, as everyone laughs and Eddie is trying to push him off, but is laughing a bit too much and only ends up hitting him. With his arms around Eddie’s neck, he presses a big kiss to Eddie’s cheek, “I mean, _who_ could resist the cuteness of this guy right here? I’m just the sucker falling for it, sorry Mike, I’m stealing your man.” 

That causes everyone to laugh, and Eddie to wipe at his cheek at the same time, “Do I get yours in return?” Mike questions. 

“It’s only be fair,” Richie replies in a tone that was too serious that they laughed again, and Eddie manages to push Richie off, causing him to fall to the ground. “He’s mean, you can have him back Mike.” 

Eddie pulls the finger, and Richie pokes out his tongue as Stan reaches out to grab hold of Richie's arm as the other comes to sit back next to him. “Such children,” Stan says, with a hint of a laugh on his words. “But, I love you.” Stan press a kiss to Richie’s cheek, lacing their fingers together. “Sometimes I wonder what would have happened had you said you did like Eddie.” 

“What?” Eddie question’s, looking towards Stan with a curious look in his face. Richie started to bury his face into Stan’s neck. 

“When he told me, I thought, maybe you or Bill,” Stan points out to Bill, they can hear Richie groan, “It’s been almost twenty years, calm down you big baby,” There was a soft laugh coming from everyone. “First off, every one of us Losers had a crush on Bill at one point, whether if we knew it or not back then.” Stan looks at Eddie, who looks away and Mike puts his arm around his husband. 

“Then, there was the way Richie was with Eddie for a while,” Stan continues, “Which is why I thought of them, then Richie here admitted to once _having_ a crush on them both, then, he said it was someone else. I didn’t press, but as he feel asleep, he said it was me.” 

“You had a _crush_ on me?” Eddie questions, and Bill adds, “And me?” 

“Oh shut up,” Richie mumbles, there was a red colour flooding his cheeks. “I hate you Stan.” 

“No you don’t,” And Stan could hear a quiet mumble of, ‘Yeah I don’t.’ He presses a kiss to the top of Richie’s head. 

**Winter, Early** **February** **, 2019**

It was Valentine’s Day, Stan had gone to work and Richie had worked from home and was dozing on the couch when Stan walked into their home. He placed the flowers he had brought onto the coffee table, his bag on the arm chair – careful with his steps as to not wake up Richie. He pulls out the small cake he had brought from the bakery at lunch time. He sets it on the table, while pulling out a small velvet box, and setting it on the table. 

He closes Richie’s laptop after saving his work, and set’s it aside before pressing a soft kiss to Richie’s forehead. This caused Richie to stir a little, grumbling a bit as he slowly wakes up and a small smile forms on his lips, “Hey,” Richie’s voice still laced with the sleep he’d just woken up from, and Stan smiled back at him. 

“I know we aren’t huge on Valentine’s Day things, but... I got you these,” Stan says, gesturing towards the table, watching as Richie’s eyes moved over the things as he sat himself up. 

Richie reached out towards the cake, when his eyes fell on the box and that is when he read the writing that was on the cake. Stan had gotten it done especially, because he wanted to make this special for the two of them. 

They had never been big on Valentine’s Day when they first started dating, and even now, over the past two or three years, they still weren’t that big on it. They never really got each other things, just spent the night in watching movies and with a bowl of popcorn, kind of like the night Richie had come out. 

While the day never really meant something to them, it also kind of did for Stan. It was the day he felt like someone could love him, because sure he knew the Losers loved him – but he didn’t think he was the kind of person someone would _crush_ on. Let alone that person be Richie, it had made him feel all sorts of things about himself, it had made him think and it had taken him longer then he liked, but he got there in the end, even if he didn’t truly have a label for it back then. 

He just knew that he loved Richie back then, much like he does now. 

“I love you, and I really want to spend all my days with you. I always have loved you, you’re my friend, my best friend, my first love – we've been through things, but in the end, here we are. Almost twenty years after you first told me that you liked _me_ out of all the people back in Derry, and now we’re living in California, and you’re living your dream. I want to make part of my dream going, by asking you marry me, because I fucking love you Rich, with my whole heart and would love to call you my husband,” Stan says, he can see tears falling down Richie’s face, but he can tell they’re happy tears. 

Richie surges forward to pull Stan into a kiss, Stan happily returns it, wrapping his arms around Richie’s neck and moving so he was on the other’s lap, with his legs on either side of Richie’s. He can feel Richie’s hands on the back of his neck, holding him there. After a while, they pull away and there is a soft, “ _Yes_ , fucking yes,” Coming from Richie’s lips before they’re kissing again. 

After pulling away for the fourth time, they finally decided to break so they could have something for dinner. Stan took a few photos on his phone, before posting them onto Instagram. The first official post they’ve made confirming they truly are a couple to the rest of the world. They had managed to dodge those questions, but they never stopped posting images of each other or of them together – they were just clear to not make them _romantic_ or too lovey. The only ones who knew were Stan and Richie, and their friends, that was all that had mattered to them. 

They were married by the end of the year, it was a small wedding with just their friends and they spent their honeymoon on a semi road trip, finding places to bird watch and just explore new places. Just enjoying their time together, and potentially getting Richie a few stories to tell for his next set. 


End file.
